Cornholio

My friends and I have a lovely three-way going. We pass books around three states for a cheap thrill. The latest whore: Omnivore's Dilemma. The first 120 pages or so are about corn. Seriously. So far I've learned about corn sex, which actually is quite fascinating (I know, I've hit a new low). In the next section he is talking about his experience with a corn farmer, and let me tell you: this grumpy farmer is a man after my own heart!

"Despite the promises, Naylor, unlike many of his neighbors, doesn't plant GMOs (genetically modified organisms). He has a gut distrust of the technology ("They're messing with three billion years of evolution") and doesn't think it's worth the extra twenty-five dollars a bag (in technology fees) they cost. "Sure, you might get a yield bump, but whatever you make on the extra corn goes right back to cover the premium for the seed. I fail to see why I should be laundering money for Mansanto."

God, if I ever have to marry again, can he please be a farmer?

I may only be 50 pages into this book, but already I'm quite sure this might be the best quote of all "...the shelled cobs were burned for heat and stacked by the privy as a rough substitute for toilet paper. (Hence the American slang term "corn hole.")" Nice!

Turn and burn

There is some controversy going on about Rob Bell's last tour (or really, I guess about anything he says). I don't really want to dig too much deeper into this particular Bell-saga because this stuff drives just ends up driving me crazy and doesn't really do any good, but here is the gist...

One camp is arguing that all Bell talks about is love, and he doesn't tell the whole story about needing to repent and finding your salvation in Christ. It's more effective (and thus, loving) to tell them they are going to hell and then telling them about fire insurance, pointing to the 10 commandments and our necessary obedience.

The other camp is saying that Bell totally knows we need Christ as our savior, but the street corner scare tactics aren't really getting anywhere and we are better off sharing the gospel through love, as pointed out by Jesus's answer to what is most important: loving God and loving others.

Just wondering what you think of this back and forth between "sides" of Christianity. It reminds me of the tag-line on Wallis's book "...the right gets it wrong and the left doesn't get it." I want to see both sides to every story and not be so black & white in my thinking, but I find it hard when one or the other seems so obviously right. What a pickle!

Tag-schmag

I've been tagged by Leah for a list of five material wishes and five spiritual wishes. Blah-blah-blah, I say. I'm no good at making lists, but I enjoy reading yours. It's kinda like blogging! ha! I don't really wish for much of anything except to get rid of what I already have. I'll be moving soon and I hope to find an apartment and job close together so I can walk to work, so there's that, I suppose. "Spiritual" wish would be for my time in Malawi to be as useful as possible and for the people there to truly know and love Jesus, and that in some way we can care for those who are hurting and suffering right now. I wish Christ would tear down the barriers in my family and heal our wounds. What I long for the most right now is to draw nearer to God, understand His word more clearly, and carry out His plans...

Beautiful mess

I can't seem to complete a thought these days, let alone write a coherent post. The last two weeks have been particularly insane, and now that they are behind me I'm just thankful to have gotten through them alive. I know I am dramatic sometimes, but literally, glad to be alive.

Something I'm struggling with right now is asking those around me for prayer and guidance. (There is SO MUCH going on I feel like I'm moving from one crisis to the next with just enough mundane work in between that I'm able to climb off the edge for a few hours each day.) Because first of all, I can't even believe the crap that's going down, so how do I expect someone else to? I mean really, I don't need my friends thinking I should be on Jerry Springer. Secondly, and the thing I'm having the hardest time with, I feel like there is just so much that it's a burden on others to involve them. Like I just need so much prayer it would take all day. Thank God for Andrea, she listens to me and my crazy life all the time. I don't know what I'd do without her.

But then I get glimpses of God moving and answering prayers. Today, like every weekend over the last couple of months, a very good friend of mine met with me to pray for Malawi. It has been such a powerful experience. Every anxiety I had and all of my nervousness about the mission has been replaced with peace for the last few weeks. Things I thought I couldn't get through, He got me through. And now? I am going to Africa and I cannot wait to get to work! And I've been praying for months now that God place people in my life for specific things, and He has totally done that! I could list so many names and how they've changed my life, and most of them would never even have known how they were being used by God to help me overcome some junk in my life. And even that blows me away! Seeing how God so intricately weaves us together and uses us to refine each other is beautiful in and of itself.

He has already answered prayers. His faithfulness amazes me! So why am I having a hard time with asking for help? I know one of my problems is that there is one biggie that I feel He's not going to do what I want, and that just plain scares me. I'm having a hard time wrapping my heart around the fact that He won't just intervene and change the course of this person's life. I'm just not there yet with being able to pray for His will to be done in this situation... and mean it. And unfortunately, I may have to come to terms with that much sooner than I wish.

Blah-blah-blah

I have about one million "drafts" on this blog. I don't want to publish them because now I'm all worried about who is going to read it. Can't a girl just be selectively annonymous on the world wide web? Gosh.

In other news, I hate my life today and need a change in a fast way. But what's new?

Why I love snapdragons and hate juniper trees

My cousin, Mike, and I would race to Grandpa's side when we'd hear his Zippo flip open. We knew he was lighting his pipe again and for whatever crazy ten year-old reasoning, we'd take turns blowing out the flame. Looking back, I have absolutely no idea why this was fun, but we sure got a kick out of it.

My grandpa was a neat old man. He always wore overalls. He always smelled like tobacco. He let me dig up potatoes, pick corn and pull up carrots. I would follow him when he made his watering rounds and ask him what each plant and flower was. I don't remember any of them except the snapdragons. I remember those because we'd pick the little black seeds and collect them in old glass jars. That man despised juniper trees; thought they were a nuisance. So I always have, too, by default, I guess.

He helped me build a wooden box once. Mike and I had this favorite tree in Grandma and Grandpa's backyard. It was huge and had the perfect limb to sit on and dangle our feet below. The limb was pretty high up and you definitely needed two hands to climb the tree, but we needed to have sodas while we were up there talking about life (we'd get parched with all that talking to do). So Grandpa came out to his workshop with me and we constructed a wooden box. It was just the right size for a couple of sodas. Then we tied a rope around it to pulley it up to our limb. I still have the wooden box. I keep art supplies in it, and I think of my grandpa every time I look at it, and remember that he was the one who always told me I could.

Love 'em

I found this poster on another blog, which looks like it came from here originally, but anyway, I really liked it. Great design. (You can download it here.) I was thinking "right on" when I first came across it, and then it got me thinking... Do I really love these people? It sounds good. Probably because I am supposed to, but do I really? The one I posted above was actually the original version which got some slight tweaking and replaced murderers with Republicans and scam artists with televangelists (although I might argue they are one in the same, oops - did I just say that?). I almost think this makes it even more relevant to me. I have a much harder time not judging & hating those "in" Christian circles even more than out. I have a lot to work on! I can only imagine the things Jesus is shaking his head for at me. He's got His work cut out for Him, that's for sure!

Shouldn't every day be Saturday?

I went to the gym this morning and instead of going to class, Katie and I sat in the hot tub to soak our aching bodies and then we went across the parking lot to Village Inn and ate bacon. Who else would have done that, I ask you? I have good friends.

Today I baked bread for the very first time. Well, not like banana bread. Real bread, with yeast and everything. Whole wheat! And, much to my surprise, it was rather tasty. Also? Kinda fun to knead!

In the spirit of using up stuff in the pantry this week, and because I was feeling so good about my bread success, I decided to make whole wheat pizza for dinner. The dough is currently rising, or I would show you a picture.

Which reminds me: awhile ago someone requested photographic evidence of my insanity. Because I'm lazy it has taken me weeks to produce, but I am nothing if not an approval whore, so here it is.

I have some whey protein powder (chocolate and vanilla) that I used a scoop or two out of each, but could hardly gag it down. I hate to waste it because it was so expensive. Does anyone want it? I'd deliver.

State of equilibrium

I've never been good at balancing anything but my checkbook... and heck, I haven't even done that in years. I'm pretty much always one extreme or the other. When I find something I like, I'm obsessed with it. Like, I will listen to a cd on repeat for weeks. Seriously, all day, every day, for weeks. Things I think are a normal part of life some friends have pointed out as being, shall we say, a touch OCD*? And conversely, things I don't like I can avoid like the plague and have a deep intolerant passion for, and I think even during my short blogging stint on this site we've all seen that.

It's a fairly recent thing that I've been noticing just how crazy I am about stuff. Like part of the reason I am so on-again/off-again with MySpace is because I'm checking it every 12 seconds and next thing I know I've wasted three hours and it's just not healthy. So, naturally, I cut myself off completely. Makes perfect sense, right? So anyway, I've been obsessing noticing this obsessive behavior so much lately that I think I'm becoming obsessed about being obsessed! (ha! is that possible?) So in an effort to not analize and research the crazy, I'm just going to try to relax and balance small things in my life... maybe it can carry into more important parts of my life.

So, in 2008, I'm going to try to be a little less extreme. We'll see how that goes. Don't hold your breath.


*Funny thing, I was reading something about OCD the other day and it mentioned having thoughts like needing to go turn a light switch on and off three times or else something bad could happen to your mother. While I haven't had that thought exactly, it was rather disturbing because I can totally relate to thinking weird things like this... and then doing it, even though it is completely irrational that the light switch could have anything to do with your mother, but you know, just in case. So, typing that out just now? Yeah, should probably go get that checked out.

Road trippin'

I'm not sure which is more fun, all the planning and hype for a road trip with friends, or the actual road trip. It's all pretty sweet!