Ash Wednesday

"You come from dust, and to dust you will return."

Some thoughts about church

So the thing I think I like most about Evergreen is that they don't have it all ironed out.  Which is really a more honest picture of this whole experience that is Life when you get right down to it anyway, don't ya think?  And not to say that they are wishy-washy, or don't know what their beliefs are, but it's more like they don't think in extremes: black or white, all right or all wrong, etc.  And I believe this is found throughout the Bible.  Do this, but don't do this.  It's that way, but it's not that way.  But it's not contradictory (and I fully see how this sounds like non-sense), but once again ding-ding-ding! it's all about a relationship, not rules and check-lists, and when you see that you can start to understand what He's really saying.  And I think Evergreen has figured out that church is not here to set up rules and concrete beliefs about x, y, z issues and for you to pick a side.  But that church is here for community (relationships!) and for that community to love the world (more relationship!).  And that is something I can definitely get on board with.

The traveling book

A lady at church brought some 3/4/5 grade art projects on Sunday.  She had a box full of blank journal/art books made by her students.  The purpose of the project was to send them out into the world and have them passed around, filled up, and see if they make it back to the school.  I think this is so cool!  So, I grabbed one (the most simple design, of course) and have made my mark and am now ready to pass it on.  There are so many people I would love to give it to.  Kinda wanna make my own little book.  : )

Love 'em

I found this poster on another blog, which looks like it came from here originally, but anyway, I really liked it. Great design. (You can download it here.) I was thinking "right on" when I first came across it, and then it got me thinking... Do I really love these people? It sounds good. Probably because I am supposed to, but do I really? The one I posted above was actually the original version which got some slight tweaking and replaced murderers with Republicans and scam artists with televangelists (although I might argue they are one in the same, oops - did I just say that?). I almost think this makes it even more relevant to me. I have a much harder time not judging & hating those "in" Christian circles even more than out. I have a lot to work on! I can only imagine the things Jesus is shaking his head for at me. He's got His work cut out for Him, that's for sure!

Officially gone off the deep end

Once a month at Poiema we do a potluck dinner after service. It's a great time to hang out with peeps and chat a little longer than usual while enjoying dinner. Last month, as I was helping to clean up, I smuggled someone's empty Coca-cola box to save it from the trash. The thought of that entire big, old 24-pack piece of grayboard going into a landfill made me feel sick inside. And although I thought I was sneaky about my rescue efforts, I got caught by a fellow Poiemian. Luckily, she already knows about my recycling habits, so she didn't give me a hard time.

There is just something about large groups like churches or businesses not recycling that drives me mad. I left church that night feeling a little defeated. The amount of waste we threw in the trash in just one evening was more than I can recycle in a month! Why do we bother individually if big groups can single-handedly destroy our hope with no effort? But, this also means that big groups can recycle so much more without much effort, either.

So, this month's dinner is rolling around on Sunday and I've prepared a plan! I'm bringing bins for recycling and made a sign with the "Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute" slogan, included a factoid about recycling & a bit about stewardship for God's creation. Maybe even a little clip art. It's hot off the presses and just now as I was admiring my work I realized, I've seriously lost it.

Socializin'

I have my own comfortable social network of family, friends, church, work, etc. But I basically don't ever venture outside of that. I'm not into small talk. I don't chat with the cashier. Or the person working out next to me at the gym. I don't make conversation with the person sitting in the next seat on the plane. Not to be rude, I just tend to do my own thing, in my own little world.

Sunday turned out to be a big day for me. I was serving as a "greeter" at church, which is really a stretch for me. Being a holiday weekend there weren't a whole lot of people, especially new ones. But I thought I saw a girl who looked to be there alone & when she sat down I went over & introduced myself. She was so sweet & we chatted about downtown, books, houses... it was great! Then Pastor John asked us all to move up together & so she sat by me. We ended up sharing some things to pray for each other about, and talked about churches & needing a fresh start. I left feeling really good about meeting this new person & really connecting. I hope she liked it & will come again when we have music!

Also, a few people got up & talked about how they've been going to Patriot's Park downtown to hang out with homeless people. They go once a week & take a dinner for someone and one for themselves. Then they hang out & "break bread" together, listen to them and help where they can. This really struck a chord with me. Providing food to the hungry is great, but really getting to know them and developing a relationship is even better!

So I headed downtown after work tonight and I stopped at onePlace to get a picture of their wall. While I was snapping away a gentleman asked me what I was doing and struck up a conversation. He was telling me that he was having a rough time lately, his wife was in jail, he was dirty and needed a way to get clean, he had just missed the free food they were handing out on the corner, he needed a job and a bus ticket uptown to go see some friends that could give him a place to stay. I offered him a bottled water I had in my car & told him I thought I had enough for bus fare. I asked him his name, he said Tony, and I put out my hand & introduced myself. He said he was dirty & I didn't want to shake his hand. I told him I didn't care about that. I told him I had heard that onePlace had a shower and washer & dryer that he might be able to use, gave him $1.25 and a cold water. He was so thankful. I pray he really does get across town to some friends and things start looking up for him.

After that I went to order a pizza and head to the park. There was a Suns game downtown, so parking was scarce. I made it to the park and no one from church was there. So, I just walked up with the pizza and told the folks there that I heard my friends like to come here and this was a great hang out for dinner! About 6 people came over to eat and they loved the pizza. One man in particular was really chatty with me. His name was Myron, he is 61 and super sweet! It took Howard quite awhile to warm up and talk to me, but he was really sweet and quite knowledgeable about the happenings around town. "Happy" or Jose, was an interesting character. He came over and asked me my name, said he knew I was a good person because he could feel it in his heart, and then he told me he was a little drunk and he had a problem. A little drunk was an understatement. He could barely stand up or talk! I could smell alcohol on all of the guy's breath, but this guy was smashed. Tonight was the first time I ever thought, ya know, if a drink is what gives them a little pleasure or comfort then that just doesn't seem so bad.

Anyway, overall it was a great experience, and I'm so thankful to have met these new people this week and I look forward to more!

Questioning

Pastor John is really good at getting me fired up. And I'm not talking in an evangelical, go out and share Jesus with the world, smiley face kind of way. I'm talking about a piss me off, make me question Christianity kind of way.

Things like predestination. I still can't wrap my mind around that discussion.

Sometimes what he says makes me cry, but more importantly it makes me question. He lets me ask questions, and he points me to The Word for answers. And that's what I like about my pastor.

This Sunday he spoke on a passage in Daniel 9. At one point he's doing the seven sevens math & saying it's okay that the math is off a little bit because God wasn't trying to tell them exactly when this jubilee was going to happen, rather He was trying to point them in the right direction. Just a few minutes later John is saying, but look further down and this math comes out perfectly! Isn't this exciting that it's so precise?!

Huh?

I mean, I know what he is saying. And I even understand the point, and can agree with it. But what stirs me up is this idea that we can look at the text and decide, okay this part we take literally but then this part we'll take figuratively and then this part means this... and so on. Give me a break! How is anyone supposed to understand all of this? And how were people supposed to understand at the time what God meant? Before the books, before the scholars, when it was actually taking place?

Growing Pains

Several months ago I found a new church. It was a bit of a weird journey for a lot of reasons, but mainly because I had been attending the same church every Sunday since I became a believer. Although I hate to admit, I had become very disillusioned with my church not because of the teaching or the people, but because of the building. Yes, the physical building. And actually, I guess that means some of the people, too, because the building didn't build itself. You see, when I first started attending they launched this building program because the church was bursting full of thousands of people, even doing five services on a Sunday. Obviously, they needed a bigger building. So not only as a new believer was I introduced to tithing, but asked to give an additional amount for the Building Fund. It was hard, but I did it. In fact, I really got into it. I purposely went without so that I could give more. I felt so thankful that someone had given to begin with that I was able to come to Christ through this church and now I had the opportunity to do the same for others!

After three years the building was complete. It opened, and for the first time we all saw it's over-the-top beauty. Lights and smoke on stage. An audio/visual system that gave the feeling of a rock concert during worship. Granite bathrooms, a coffee shop, a waterfall sitting area with leather chairs.

And then I cried.

I felt like I had been fooled, to say the least. I was so disgusted by the extravagance of the new building I could hardly stand to be in it. I was so let down by the fact that money I had sacrificed to give was used for such excessive, unnecessary stuff when there are people living just blocks away that are struggling to put food on the table. But I guess that since we take them dried rice & beans and canned food once a month from a food bank (and then go out for pizza after our hard work) we don't have to feel bad about that. Ugh!

I was so bitter about it I stopped going. On my search for a new church I came across Poiema. Not only did I instantly love that there was just one guy up front playing a guitar to lead worship (without smoke and lights!), but the people there were actually a family. People hang around to talk and be apart of each other's lives. They noticed that I was there and hadn't met me before. They asked tough questions, and answered mine. This church was actually about God and about people. What a concept!

I'm sad to admit that I was so irritated with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm sad that I acted so GAH! I can't believe they did this with MY money! It was never my money, it's God's. I'm not sad that I sacrificed. I learned important lessons, and I know that God is in control. I know this church is trying to appeal to a particular demographic, and I believe that is their justification for their ways. And they absolutely do love Jesus, and want others to know Him. I trust that their desires are pure, but I am at a different place, and that's okay. I've also learned that my peeps at Poiema don't have it all figured out either. We are imperfect, and we are each doing the best that we can to follow Jesus.

I am on a journey. This is just the stop I'm at right now.