Officially gone off the deep end

Once a month at Poiema we do a potluck dinner after service. It's a great time to hang out with peeps and chat a little longer than usual while enjoying dinner. Last month, as I was helping to clean up, I smuggled someone's empty Coca-cola box to save it from the trash. The thought of that entire big, old 24-pack piece of grayboard going into a landfill made me feel sick inside. And although I thought I was sneaky about my rescue efforts, I got caught by a fellow Poiemian. Luckily, she already knows about my recycling habits, so she didn't give me a hard time.

There is just something about large groups like churches or businesses not recycling that drives me mad. I left church that night feeling a little defeated. The amount of waste we threw in the trash in just one evening was more than I can recycle in a month! Why do we bother individually if big groups can single-handedly destroy our hope with no effort? But, this also means that big groups can recycle so much more without much effort, either.

So, this month's dinner is rolling around on Sunday and I've prepared a plan! I'm bringing bins for recycling and made a sign with the "Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute" slogan, included a factoid about recycling & a bit about stewardship for God's creation. Maybe even a little clip art. It's hot off the presses and just now as I was admiring my work I realized, I've seriously lost it.

Think Green®

Waste Management, I'm calling you out! You're "Think Green.® Think Waste Management." slogan is a fraud. I'm going to highlight just one reason this is true: billing.

I work for a company that uses your trash and portable toilet services at multiple job site locations. When you send us a statement of services each month you manage to space out about three lines of information onto two 8.5"x11" pieces of paper. Then you neatly package those papers together with a return envelope and at least one flyer about how environmentally responsible you are. For every single solitary service at every single job site.

Suggestion: Combine.

You could fit all of our services for all of our job sites on one piece of paper in one envelope (or better yet, email it!). And actually doing so would make me believe you care about the environment instead of telling me you are every month when I have to throw your excessive mail in the recycle.

Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone

As much as I love being around my friends and family, there is just something inside of me that craves being alone. And I almost never get to indulge. But last week I traveled to Portland for four whole days without really telling too many people. I needed to be alone. My first afternoon there I was stopped by a Green Peace-er. He asked me what I was doing in Portland and I told him I came to be alone. He thought I said, "to get a loan" and then asked why I couldn't get a loan where I was from. Apparently it's odd to want to be alone, especially on vacation.

But, I have to tell you, it was one of the most relaxing weekends ever. I spent the majority of the time wandering around neighborhoods, taking pictures, enjoying the cold weather and the fallen leaves, sitting in coffee shops to people watch and read a couple of books. I had no schedule, no computer, and my boss only called once. It was great!

A few snowflakes even floated around on my last morning there... it was the perfect end to my weekend!

Stuff

I think you should watch this. I know everyone won't agree, and if you would like to prove it wrong, be my guest. But actually watch it. Think about it. Research it. I think the thing that bugs me the most about people who "disagree" with environmentalism is that they don't really believe it's a bunch of phewey, they just don't want to think about it or have to change their actions, so it's just easier to deny that it matters. This kind of mentality, whether it's about social justice, the environment, politics, religion, etc. just drives me crazy! You have a brain and a conscience. Use it.

P.S. This reminded me of a bumper sticker I saw yesterday. "Support America, Buy a Congressman" LOL!

Change is good

"Change isn't always easy, but it is necessary if you can't suppress the yearnings deep inside you, if you haven't yet fooled yourself into thinking you know exactly who you are."

I have absolutely no idea who I am or am supposed to be, but I'm enjoying the slow, messy process of figuring it out.

Random thoughts about why I am working to earn more money

Yesterday, as I was driving through an extremely nice neighborhood, and thinking about how "blessed" these families must feel because of their stuff, it got me thinking about how much money they will be spending on Christmas. And how other families without a lot of money will spend tons of money, too, even though they don't have it. And how did Jesus ever get mixed up with all this holiday and shopping junk?

Anyway, so I was thinking about how we spend all this money, whether we have it or not, and how we are all striving to earn more & more to stay at least comfortable. I've certainly fallen into this trap. Of course I'd never tell my boss this, but I think I make too much money. I mean how much does a single person need to live on? I try to be wise about it, but I know I'm frivolous at times. Sometimes I feel pretty guilty about spending the extra money on organic! green! recycled! stuff because maybe I should be giving that extra expense away to something more important. But then there is that whole "am I oppressing more people by buying the cheap clothes" issue, but don't get me started.

I am really having a hard time staying on track & getting to my point. Can you tell?

What I am trying to get to was my end thought while driving through this neighborhood, that we are looking for jobs to make enough money to be oh-so-comfortable, when really? When has comfort ever been the message of God? We all hear Christians talk about how they are so "blessed" to have a home and all the junk in it, but really, who says that is a blessing? I dunno.

Socializin'

I have my own comfortable social network of family, friends, church, work, etc. But I basically don't ever venture outside of that. I'm not into small talk. I don't chat with the cashier. Or the person working out next to me at the gym. I don't make conversation with the person sitting in the next seat on the plane. Not to be rude, I just tend to do my own thing, in my own little world.

Sunday turned out to be a big day for me. I was serving as a "greeter" at church, which is really a stretch for me. Being a holiday weekend there weren't a whole lot of people, especially new ones. But I thought I saw a girl who looked to be there alone & when she sat down I went over & introduced myself. She was so sweet & we chatted about downtown, books, houses... it was great! Then Pastor John asked us all to move up together & so she sat by me. We ended up sharing some things to pray for each other about, and talked about churches & needing a fresh start. I left feeling really good about meeting this new person & really connecting. I hope she liked it & will come again when we have music!

Also, a few people got up & talked about how they've been going to Patriot's Park downtown to hang out with homeless people. They go once a week & take a dinner for someone and one for themselves. Then they hang out & "break bread" together, listen to them and help where they can. This really struck a chord with me. Providing food to the hungry is great, but really getting to know them and developing a relationship is even better!

So I headed downtown after work tonight and I stopped at onePlace to get a picture of their wall. While I was snapping away a gentleman asked me what I was doing and struck up a conversation. He was telling me that he was having a rough time lately, his wife was in jail, he was dirty and needed a way to get clean, he had just missed the free food they were handing out on the corner, he needed a job and a bus ticket uptown to go see some friends that could give him a place to stay. I offered him a bottled water I had in my car & told him I thought I had enough for bus fare. I asked him his name, he said Tony, and I put out my hand & introduced myself. He said he was dirty & I didn't want to shake his hand. I told him I didn't care about that. I told him I had heard that onePlace had a shower and washer & dryer that he might be able to use, gave him $1.25 and a cold water. He was so thankful. I pray he really does get across town to some friends and things start looking up for him.

After that I went to order a pizza and head to the park. There was a Suns game downtown, so parking was scarce. I made it to the park and no one from church was there. So, I just walked up with the pizza and told the folks there that I heard my friends like to come here and this was a great hang out for dinner! About 6 people came over to eat and they loved the pizza. One man in particular was really chatty with me. His name was Myron, he is 61 and super sweet! It took Howard quite awhile to warm up and talk to me, but he was really sweet and quite knowledgeable about the happenings around town. "Happy" or Jose, was an interesting character. He came over and asked me my name, said he knew I was a good person because he could feel it in his heart, and then he told me he was a little drunk and he had a problem. A little drunk was an understatement. He could barely stand up or talk! I could smell alcohol on all of the guy's breath, but this guy was smashed. Tonight was the first time I ever thought, ya know, if a drink is what gives them a little pleasure or comfort then that just doesn't seem so bad.

Anyway, overall it was a great experience, and I'm so thankful to have met these new people this week and I look forward to more!

I'm so...

I was listening to this song on my way to work this morning.
Just another little snippet that tells the story of my life...

I'm so high, I'm so low
I'm so hot, I'm so cold
I'm so young but I'm feeling so old
I'm at peace, I'm at war
I want less, I want more
I want it all but I don't know what it's for

Questioning

Pastor John is really good at getting me fired up. And I'm not talking in an evangelical, go out and share Jesus with the world, smiley face kind of way. I'm talking about a piss me off, make me question Christianity kind of way.

Things like predestination. I still can't wrap my mind around that discussion.

Sometimes what he says makes me cry, but more importantly it makes me question. He lets me ask questions, and he points me to The Word for answers. And that's what I like about my pastor.

This Sunday he spoke on a passage in Daniel 9. At one point he's doing the seven sevens math & saying it's okay that the math is off a little bit because God wasn't trying to tell them exactly when this jubilee was going to happen, rather He was trying to point them in the right direction. Just a few minutes later John is saying, but look further down and this math comes out perfectly! Isn't this exciting that it's so precise?!

Huh?

I mean, I know what he is saying. And I even understand the point, and can agree with it. But what stirs me up is this idea that we can look at the text and decide, okay this part we take literally but then this part we'll take figuratively and then this part means this... and so on. Give me a break! How is anyone supposed to understand all of this? And how were people supposed to understand at the time what God meant? Before the books, before the scholars, when it was actually taking place?

Growing Pains

Several months ago I found a new church. It was a bit of a weird journey for a lot of reasons, but mainly because I had been attending the same church every Sunday since I became a believer. Although I hate to admit, I had become very disillusioned with my church not because of the teaching or the people, but because of the building. Yes, the physical building. And actually, I guess that means some of the people, too, because the building didn't build itself. You see, when I first started attending they launched this building program because the church was bursting full of thousands of people, even doing five services on a Sunday. Obviously, they needed a bigger building. So not only as a new believer was I introduced to tithing, but asked to give an additional amount for the Building Fund. It was hard, but I did it. In fact, I really got into it. I purposely went without so that I could give more. I felt so thankful that someone had given to begin with that I was able to come to Christ through this church and now I had the opportunity to do the same for others!

After three years the building was complete. It opened, and for the first time we all saw it's over-the-top beauty. Lights and smoke on stage. An audio/visual system that gave the feeling of a rock concert during worship. Granite bathrooms, a coffee shop, a waterfall sitting area with leather chairs.

And then I cried.

I felt like I had been fooled, to say the least. I was so disgusted by the extravagance of the new building I could hardly stand to be in it. I was so let down by the fact that money I had sacrificed to give was used for such excessive, unnecessary stuff when there are people living just blocks away that are struggling to put food on the table. But I guess that since we take them dried rice & beans and canned food once a month from a food bank (and then go out for pizza after our hard work) we don't have to feel bad about that. Ugh!

I was so bitter about it I stopped going. On my search for a new church I came across Poiema. Not only did I instantly love that there was just one guy up front playing a guitar to lead worship (without smoke and lights!), but the people there were actually a family. People hang around to talk and be apart of each other's lives. They noticed that I was there and hadn't met me before. They asked tough questions, and answered mine. This church was actually about God and about people. What a concept!

I'm sad to admit that I was so irritated with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm sad that I acted so GAH! I can't believe they did this with MY money! It was never my money, it's God's. I'm not sad that I sacrificed. I learned important lessons, and I know that God is in control. I know this church is trying to appeal to a particular demographic, and I believe that is their justification for their ways. And they absolutely do love Jesus, and want others to know Him. I trust that their desires are pure, but I am at a different place, and that's okay. I've also learned that my peeps at Poiema don't have it all figured out either. We are imperfect, and we are each doing the best that we can to follow Jesus.

I am on a journey. This is just the stop I'm at right now.