Growing Pains

Several months ago I found a new church. It was a bit of a weird journey for a lot of reasons, but mainly because I had been attending the same church every Sunday since I became a believer. Although I hate to admit, I had become very disillusioned with my church not because of the teaching or the people, but because of the building. Yes, the physical building. And actually, I guess that means some of the people, too, because the building didn't build itself. You see, when I first started attending they launched this building program because the church was bursting full of thousands of people, even doing five services on a Sunday. Obviously, they needed a bigger building. So not only as a new believer was I introduced to tithing, but asked to give an additional amount for the Building Fund. It was hard, but I did it. In fact, I really got into it. I purposely went without so that I could give more. I felt so thankful that someone had given to begin with that I was able to come to Christ through this church and now I had the opportunity to do the same for others!

After three years the building was complete. It opened, and for the first time we all saw it's over-the-top beauty. Lights and smoke on stage. An audio/visual system that gave the feeling of a rock concert during worship. Granite bathrooms, a coffee shop, a waterfall sitting area with leather chairs.

And then I cried.

I felt like I had been fooled, to say the least. I was so disgusted by the extravagance of the new building I could hardly stand to be in it. I was so let down by the fact that money I had sacrificed to give was used for such excessive, unnecessary stuff when there are people living just blocks away that are struggling to put food on the table. But I guess that since we take them dried rice & beans and canned food once a month from a food bank (and then go out for pizza after our hard work) we don't have to feel bad about that. Ugh!

I was so bitter about it I stopped going. On my search for a new church I came across Poiema. Not only did I instantly love that there was just one guy up front playing a guitar to lead worship (without smoke and lights!), but the people there were actually a family. People hang around to talk and be apart of each other's lives. They noticed that I was there and hadn't met me before. They asked tough questions, and answered mine. This church was actually about God and about people. What a concept!

I'm sad to admit that I was so irritated with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm sad that I acted so GAH! I can't believe they did this with MY money! It was never my money, it's God's. I'm not sad that I sacrificed. I learned important lessons, and I know that God is in control. I know this church is trying to appeal to a particular demographic, and I believe that is their justification for their ways. And they absolutely do love Jesus, and want others to know Him. I trust that their desires are pure, but I am at a different place, and that's okay. I've also learned that my peeps at Poiema don't have it all figured out either. We are imperfect, and we are each doing the best that we can to follow Jesus.

I am on a journey. This is just the stop I'm at right now.