Emergency twenty

I was probably ten or so.  My mom has her wallet out.  It's black and when you open it it flips up over the top and there are two rows of cards side-by-side.  In the pocket of the first one on the left there is a twenty dollar bill folded up and tucked behind her Costco card.  It's her "emergency twenty" and she tells me when I have money that I need to always keep a twenty dollar bill in my wallet just in case.  I still do it to this day.  I even fold it up just like she did and tuck it in a hidden spot in my wallet.  Tonight someone asked me for a twenty, and although I don't really carry cash, I had my secret stash thanks to my mama.

Reality

It's like adulthood has all of a sudden settled in this week.  And I'm completely not okay with this.  I think this has come about partly because I'm finally living in my very own space.  Like seriously, for the first time in my life.  I moved out when I was 17, but I moved into a basement apartment in my Grandparent's house, so it wasn't totally like being on my own & half of the basement was still filled with their things, so it wasn't really "my space".  Then I got married & lived in base housing.  Lame.  Then with parents & roommates ever since.  So not only am I finally in my own apartment where everything is mine, but my parents are in town visiting this weekend, so I'm hosting & feeling all adult having my parents in "my home".  So there is that, and the fact that I'm stressing about the lack of income.  I got my quarterly insurance bill in the mail today & wanted to cry.  Like it's not bad enough getting raped for health insurance premiums when you have a job... this just sucks.  Do I really fork out a small fortune for the just in case, when I might need that small fortune to keep this roof over my head if I'm not employed soon?  (Not to even mention the fact that this money could be put to better use by feeding hundreds of orphans in Africa, but don't even get me started.)  On the other hand, can I afford not to?  What if?  Sometimes being an adult is less than fun.  I'm not really enjoying this little life choice right now.

Merry Christmas!

Last year in my family we had all come to the conclusion that the stress of buying gifts, that really we don't need, is silly and wasteful, so we stopped. I still exchanged gifts with some close friends because it was kind of too late to back out, as some of them had already gotten things for me. Don't get me wrong, I do think it's fun to pick out a surprise for someone & see their face when they open it. But I've become rather disgusted by American consumerism pretty much every day of the year, and I won't even get started on Christmas. Seriously*. I shouldn't even go there**. Plus, I just can't stand the meaningless "obligated gifts" because they got you something, or the "I don't know you well enough to pick out something you'd actually love, so I got you this uber-generic gift" or the "just tell me what you want & I'll go to the store and get it for you gifts" blah-blah-blah. Growing up I don't ever remember making a list of what I wanted or really even asking for some big thing. My mom just knew me well enough to pick out something I'd like (plus, we didn't exactly have the money to do it any other way). It just seems like telling someone what you want defeats the whole purpose anyway, especially now that we are all old enough & make enough money to buy what we want when we want it. Never mind the fact that presents is not what Christmas is supposed to be about anyway! Gah!

I have decided to individually participate in the Advent Conspiracy this Christmas. It's a wonderful thing! And, I'm so glad it has exploded and gripped so many people this year. So, my group of friends that I exchanged gifts with this year grew much smaller, and in light of Advent Conspiracy, I am giving relational gifts. I bought a board game & Kids in the Kitchen cookbook for a family to use together, a cake decorating class for a friend and I to take together, etc. And it must be getting to other people, too, because I have gotten really great sustainable gifts from my friends this year (either that or they just don't want to set me off for fear of having to listen to hours and hours of my ranting)!

I feel like all of this discussion is leading to more questioning and searching, and eventually deeper relationship. After all, Christmas actually is all about our relationship with Christ!


Okay, I could make a list a mile long, but I can't hold these back:
*We spent $455 BILLION last year on Christmas in the United States alone. Excuse me while I go throw up***.
**Have you seen the Wal-mart commercials? The ones with the message about how shopping at Wal-mart saves you thousands of dollars a year, and that way you can give more at the holidays? Right! If I shop at Wally World where I continue to support the evil empire & oppress more & more people, then I can give Wal-Mart executives even more money for crap that will end up in a landfill more gifts to charity. Isn't that nice of me? Gosh, shopping at Wal-Mart really makes me feel good about myself.
***Did you know it costs about $2500 for a well in Africa? And that divided by the number of people who use it, that averages out to about $10 per person. We spend more than that on stalking stuffers. We could give not only CLEAN WATER, but LIFE, to those who desperately need it, and practically at no cost when you consider how much we overspend at Christmas.

Random thoughts about why I am working to earn more money

Yesterday, as I was driving through an extremely nice neighborhood, and thinking about how "blessed" these families must feel because of their stuff, it got me thinking about how much money they will be spending on Christmas. And how other families without a lot of money will spend tons of money, too, even though they don't have it. And how did Jesus ever get mixed up with all this holiday and shopping junk?

Anyway, so I was thinking about how we spend all this money, whether we have it or not, and how we are all striving to earn more & more to stay at least comfortable. I've certainly fallen into this trap. Of course I'd never tell my boss this, but I think I make too much money. I mean how much does a single person need to live on? I try to be wise about it, but I know I'm frivolous at times. Sometimes I feel pretty guilty about spending the extra money on organic! green! recycled! stuff because maybe I should be giving that extra expense away to something more important. But then there is that whole "am I oppressing more people by buying the cheap clothes" issue, but don't get me started.

I am really having a hard time staying on track & getting to my point. Can you tell?

What I am trying to get to was my end thought while driving through this neighborhood, that we are looking for jobs to make enough money to be oh-so-comfortable, when really? When has comfort ever been the message of God? We all hear Christians talk about how they are so "blessed" to have a home and all the junk in it, but really, who says that is a blessing? I dunno.