Just a little story with a rant thrown in because it's my blog

So my friend, Kel, did a sweet thing for me when I was getting ready to leave on the mission to Africa.  She thought of something personal & meaningful to give me as an encouragement, rather than going out & buying something trivial.  You see when she was leaving for England I gave her this cheesy magnet.  I knew that it may have seemed silly and cheap to her, but I risked giving it anyway because it was something special to me.  A very special friend had given it to me once, and it said something about not knowing where life is going, but you can always trust in the Lord.  I think it was ceramic & had a butterfly on it.  Maybe not a piece of decor exactly, but it was meaningful and a wonderful reminder to me on many rough days, so it was the significance more than the magnet that I wanted to pass on to my friend.  So I was touched when she passed on a book to me that had been special to her.

It traveled to Africa with me, but I must admit I couldn’t read it.  Those ten days were filled with so much emotion that I couldn’t process, I didn’t dare pick up that book for fear that it could send me right over the edge.  But now I’m sitting here in Oregon, waiting... waiting for the keys to my apartment, waiting for a call back on a job, waiting to find new church, waiting to meet new people, just waiting.  So I picked up the book.  It’s one I’ve heard of before, but hadn’t ever looked at.  It’s coauthored by John Eldridge and I’ve read several other books by him that I loved, but that was several years ago and my relationship with God and my perspective of Christianity has changed drastically since then.  I was worried I wouldn’t really get into it too much.  Every little bit, like I do with everything these days, I’ll pause and wonder, but how would this related to someone in a village in Malawi... and how can it be relevant if it doesn’t?  We are ALL created in God’s image.

[Rant ahead, you may want to skip the next paragraph.]

And so this is my latest struggle with being American.  I’m so focused on my life, where I live, where I work, what church I will attend and worship God, how I am growing in my relationship with Him, am I good enough, do I reduce reuse recycle enough, should I return that mattress foam topper because it’s not environmentally friendly and I’m being a brat that the free bed I got is too hard?  Gag.  The people I met are spending more of their day walking to get clean water, harvesting the food they are going to cook over a fire, and hoping to keep themselves and their children alive, and I’m shopping for bed foam.  But this is the society I live in.  I don’t know anyone here who has to struggle with getting clean water.  I’ve been buying mine in bottles at Costco for the last ten years.  How do I live and function in this society, and not just pray for Africa, but really help Africa?  How can they not just look at all of us and shake their heads in pity of our selfish meaninglessness?

[End rant.]

That aside, I must say this book has really gripped me.  I don’t know if God is just trying to be funny with His timing or if He’s really about to rock my world in a way I wasn’t expecting.  But this book is about the fourth instance in a row that has made me think hmm, could it be?  nah, huh-uh... well, maybe? about my future.  Haven’t I had enough major life changes lately?  Can’t I just chill in Portland for a while?  But on the other hand, do I really want to?  Isn’t God’s plan always crazy, but end up being way better?!  Maybe I just have an overactive imagination.